2nd Master Cleanse – 40 days and done & Unfinished business!

unfinished-business-bwOk. Finished now. I did 40 days in the end. That is the maximum time permitted by the creator of the Master Cleanse; Stanley Burroughs. It was also the maximum time permitted in my head. Thank funk its over! 40 days fasting. No food for 40 days! What was I thinking! Holy cow the last 10 days dragged on for what felt like a year! The actual physical fasting process was fine, but mentally it was tough. I was bored witless and missed the social aspect of having a life! You forget but meal times are a very social part of our lives. We plan our business days with our colleagues. We catch up with our wife’s and kid’s lives; hear what they’ve been doing all day. And I missed all that. So thank funk I can re-enter society, get down with the kids in the street again and be normal.

And, I have to say the last 10 days where tough-ish too. That’s days 30 thro to 40. I mean, I can handle it, I have handled considerably worse, but I was tired and drained of energy, piles hurt like buggery, my mouth tasted disgusting 24 hours a day. The gunk on my tongue was turbo-gross. No yoga was possible. And, as I have already said, I was bored and missing the world. So, 40 days is done and dusted and now I can retake my place in our world. It’s very nice to be back!

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Kidney cleansing: This is exciting!

jim-carrey-in-living-colorToday I am in good spirits! Progress is being made. Grumpiness is gone and I am looking to the future! Exciting stuff is happening!

Ok, so you read in my last blog entry of the 11 month cleansing journey I took to be in a position to at last address and clean my kidneys: I am now cleaning my kidneys. Hooray!

I am on day 9 of the kidney cleanse and it’s been funky! Oh yes baby: exciting and fun and entertaining and exhilarating and bracing and bloody painful! Holy cow I am in the thick of it here and I am struggling to hold back the swearing! F*$&%£!!!

The chest and back pain I talked about last time continued so much so that sleeping lying down became impossible. I kept waking up every 30 minutes and just shouting in pain. This is proper loud, uncontrollable shouty pain. I woke up the wife. I woke up the kids. Not ideal.

So for the last four nights I have taken to sleeping sitting-up on my brown leather sofa, covered in my duvet. It is not especially comfortable. I awake in the night with major neck pains and have to loll the other way. And I awake early too, 5am-ish and can’t get back to sleep. But, this is infinitely better than waking up shouting in agony.

Yes, interesting eh! Lying down brings on the mega-shouty-chest&back-pains. Remaining upright stops the mega-shouty-chest&back-pains. As I said, interesting.

Yes, I have been to see the doctor! I went last week. They said it’s nothing.
Yes, I am serious. They said it’s nothing, but to go to hospital if it gets worse.
No, I am not making this up.


 To add to the circus act of fun, I have also developed a nasty bout of oedema. Whats Oedema? Oedema is when yo ankles swell up. Swell up big time, and hurt, and are hot, and you have to walk gingerly around like a penguin. It’s like having 8 pairs of socks on. My toes look like little chipolata’s: all swollen, skin’s all taut. I worry the skin may split so I am massaging in castor oil daily. My shoes are now worn Run DMC style. That’s fine on the weekends, but less good in the office with my brogues.

Oedema is when the body cannot deal with fluid correctly. The swelling of the feet is caused by water pooling there because something is busted.
Whats busted and what controls the fluid in my body?
Answer: my kidneys.
That’s why I am doing the kidney herbs.


So, I have back major back and chest pain, and hot, painful, swollen feet. I guess the last thing on earth I should be doing is long haul flying to go out drinking all night with clients in strange far away cities.

Yup, you guessed it! I am currently sitting all cramped up in economy class flying to Dubai and have two full days of meetings, lunches and dinners to attend. Great. I am currently travelling at 552mph, at 38,994 feet. It’s minus 52 degrees outside. So far I have travelled 2995 miles and I have 588 miles to go. Just so you know.

I guess it could be worse. I could have to fly back on Wednesday and then on Friday have to fly to Barcelona to go on a team bonding exercise with my office team. For team bonding read: going out until the crack of dawn, drinking and partying like a total loon.

Errr yup, I gotta do that as well. Very far from ideal given my current state of affairs. I will try my hardest to keep my head switched on and not let the party get ahead of me. In fact getting smashed would be pretty stupid. I will have to feign drunkenness. Should be fun! And no, I cannot cancel: I am the boss and I am expected to be there, through thick and thin, I have to be there. But don’t worry, I am a professional, in every way, and I have no doubt in my ability to manage, somehow.


This has happened to me before. Back in 2007 when I started all this crazy alternative healing malarkey. I was mega-sick back then, still had my amalgams in too. I did a kidney cleanse and I had major back pain, and major oedema. The oedema lasted 10 painful days back then, but when it finished I was a lot better.

So, back to today. What do am I learning from all this hardship? Because that’s most important. We must look, listen and learn from the signals our bodies give us. Well this lesson is plain and obvious and clear. I will list it all out to make it all triple clear:

1) My kidneys are seriously clogged and congested. They will need much tender loving care from me and my herbs. I guess 60 days cleansing as a minimum. I am currently on one-quarter dose. With breaks that will take 3 to 4 months.

2) The major chest and back pain must be kidney related and I must conclude that it is the result of the kidney herbs dissolving crystals, and moving out grit and crud. When crystals are dislodged they then move out the body via some ducts. The crystals (or stones) are jagged and snag in their transit out the body. This hurts like buggery, just am I am finding out. I guess someone, somewhere will know the reason for the lying-down-pain, but sitting-up-ok situation, but I guess some mobilised crap is pooling somewhere. I must say the pain is significantly less now that I am not aggravating it by lying down. Life is more manageable now.

3) The oedema is a clear, loud and very obvious kidney signal. They don’t come much bigger than that. The kidney herbs are cleaning some accumulated toxins out. I just have to keep my water intake high to flush the toxins out as quickly as possible. I was going to stop the kidney herbs because if the business trips, but I stopped for a day and felt worse. So I have restarted the kidney herbs on super-low-1/4 dose. My kidneys are in detoxing mode: they need the loving support and care from the herbs. My bizo trip will just have to take second fiddle.

4) And at last I finally figured out what this hot feet thing is! At last! I have been searching for a couple of years. I get really hot feet. So hot I have to take my shoes off in the office. I am talking unusually hot, annoying hot, painfully yeasty hot. This happens, rain or shine, hot or cold. It comes and goes, but it’s been a bitch these last 18 months. Now I know. It’s a kidney signal. How do I know? Because feels like I have been walking on hot coals since the hassle kicked in with the kidney herbs. Good to know! Great to know!

And I feel different too. Something has changed. And changed for the better. The clouds are clearing. The gloom is lifting. Although I am in pain and obviously suffering, I am suffering differently. I have had a slightly gloomy, unchanged, cloudy, stuck-in-a-rut outlook, but that’s gone now. I feel mentally stronger, less grumpy. Blood pressure is better. Heart palpitations significantly less, and I have a little more energy too. I can feel it coming back. My temps do however remain low.

I know I have all these troubles but I know, and when I say know and I mean I KNOW, that after the oedema goes, when the back pain goes, when the herbs have done their magic…I KNOW I will have climbed further up my ladder to better health, again. These kidney herbs are the last part of my full-round-the-body herbal health regime. I have done the bowels, parasites, candida, and liver and kidneys is last. And kidneys is important for me. Just goes to show! In our quest to heal we must leave no stone unturned!

That’s a top-tip. If you still ill after all you have done: then you need to clean everything: bowels, parasites, lungs, liver and kidneys.

In order to heal everything needs cleaning. Everything. You can quote me on that.

Will this hassle I’m enduring be worth it? Hell yes! One hundred percent for sure. A million percent yes. Short term pain for long term gain. Once the poisons are out they can never harm me again. Toxins always hurt when they come out. Pain and hassle is a signal that detoxification is happening. This is total body cleansing and I love it. I absolutely love healing. It’s the best feeling in the world to be getting better.

That’ll do for today. Don’t worry or fret. I have done this all before. When the $hit hits the fan when you are cleaning…it usually means good things are just around the corner! Fingers crossed.

That’s all folks, take care

PS. To remind you I am using the all kidney herb formula from Andrea Moritz (RIP dude) available from www.presentmoment.com

PPS. Don;t you just love that picture of Jim Carey! I feel like that a lot, LOL.